Thicker Than Water

                                                          Thicker than Water

It all starts there, in that dark mall parking lot. Everything I once knew-gone, well, at least about her. Everything else I suppose stays the same-just because I find her different doesn’t mean everyone else is too…right? It just simply started that I wanted to go to the mall-I was in need of some major shopping and my mom, being the workaholic that she is of course could not take me. Alex offered; wonderful Alex. Oh, Alex is a girl-my cousin. And so the story starts.

I was ecstatic -Abercrombie & Finch had a huge close out. I got a lot of new and wonderful clothes to wear all for Wal-Mart price. Who wouldn’t be happy? But anyway, Alex didn’t buy anything. Honestly, I didn’t see her buy anything. It was starting to get late, the mall was closing. I was happy with my purchases; Alex was walking next to me, not saying much. But that is like her. One moment she is talking non stop and the next…well, silent.

“Alex I’m sorry you had to take me…you don’t seem to be having any fun.” I said, looking at her. We were at the food court now, getting ready to make our way threw the wandering crowd, my stomach rumbled, even though we ate earlier.

“If I didn’t want to come, I wouldn’t have offered.” Alex pointed out. “Now I cannot take you home hungry, how about some ice cream?”

I smiled, “Of course!” I said enthusiastically. We made our way to Orange Julius and the Dairy Queen mixed booth.

We both got Smoothies-mine strawberry, Alex’s strawberry banana, mm, Orange Julius Smoothies-now that hits the spot. We drank them fast, so we did not have to carry them to Alex’s car, and then started giggling over the brain freeze we both got.

We left the mall then and started navigating our way to Alex’s car-which she hates. She is a Chevy girl and is stuck driving a Ford station wagon. I guess I would be mad too?-If I knew anything about cars….yeah…right. I started then thinking about cars…and boys…and how boys like cars when Alex grabbed my arm.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked. Alex is not a touchy-feely cousin-honestly.

“Don’t look right at them, just glance out of the corner of your eye.” Alex told me.

“What…” I trailed off, Alex can be SO confusing!

“There are three men to the left; they look like they are trying to break into a car. We are almost past them.” Alex whispered all of this hurriedly, and she kept her head down as we walked.

“So?” I wondered out loud. Alex looked me in the eye. “They do not like that we might have seen them do something.” She grinned and dug around in her pocket. “Here are my keys. If and when I say so you run to that damn station wagon-it’s 5 cars up on the right. Remember, not all the doors unlock so get in the drivers seat.”

“What?” I asked again really puzzled. By now we had just passed the three men, which had big bulky black coats on-kind of like you imagine gang bangers to wear.

We were now three cars away from Alex’s Ford and one of the men shouts, “Hey why don’t you come over hear and share of that sugar of yours!”

“What sugar?” I asked Alex-we sure in the hell didn’t have any candy on us. Alex rolled her eyes, “He is calling us sweet Blondie.” Alex had a point-I was blonde.

Alex turned around slowly. “No thanks.” Simple and sweet, right to the point, that is my Alex! She turned back to me and we started walking. We didn’t even get two steps in when the same guy called out again, “Stop. We were talking to you bitch!”

He sounded angry. I did not expect what happened next to happen-seriously! Alex turned around again, this time I did too, and she laughed. “And why do you think I would listen to you?”

That’s when he pulled the gun. “This is why!” he shouted.

You know that feeling they describe in books (not that I read much, but anyway…), that your stomach just drops to the bottom of your body and you feel like there is no hope left in the world? Well, that feeling is SO real, and I was feeling it.

Alex whispered to me very quietly, “There is always hope left in the world-NEVER give up hope.” She took a slow breath again, like she knew exactly what was going to happen. “What ever happens, do not call the police until I say so, ok?”

“What! Are you nuts? They have guns!” My voice started to get hysterical. Alex smiled, “Remember always have hope,” she paused for dramatically effect, even though she is not much for drama, “Listen to my explanation if the police do come, ok?”

“Ah…” I kind of trailed off, babbling like an idiot.

“KC, I need your answer.” Alex prodded me.

“Yah…Yes…” I stammered out. I was really getting scared. Alex was acting weird. Well, weirder than her normal weird.

“Blood is thicker than water.” She said with a smile.

I looked away from Alex now. I had not even realized that the men had moved closer. The one who had been yelling at us held up his hand and stopped, the gun was stilled pointed on us. “Now!” Alex shouted and jumped in front of me.

It took me a second to register that I was supposed to run and that she was in the line of fire, not me. Instinct took over and I high tailed it (I am not quiet sure I understand that expression, I need to remember to ask Alex about that…) to the station wagon. I did what all dumb blondes in the movies do, I fumble with the keys, dropped them a few times, then finally managed to hit the ‘unlock’ button and jump in the car. As soon as I was in I slammed the lock down.

That’s when I heard the gun shot. I have heard a gun before-my grandfather hunts and he is always more than happy to show me how to shoot a gun (though I still don’t know how). But hearing it right here, right now, made the blood drain from my face. I thought this was the end. They had killed Alex, now it was my turn.

I had not realized I was crying until I turned to look at Alex, to see her crumpled body in the middle of the parking lot, blurry from my tears. I saw the red running down her chest, onto the pavement. Her shirt had a large dark smudge over her heart. No hope that she was alive.

NEVER give up hope. The quiet thought entered my mind. I had no clue what I was going to do when I heard a gasp and refocused on the scene ahead, wiping at my blurry eyes.

Alex stood back up, laughing lightly-so Alex, even though she had just been shot. The men looked at each other then ran straight at her and started fighting. I gasped, that was so unfair! Not only do they shoot her but then they try to beat her up!

Alex was out numbered three to one, but she was holding her own. She dropped the first guy in seconds. I watched, my jaw hanging down. The guy she dropped started groaning. The other two looked at each other then took off running leaving their buddy.

Alex didn’t kill him, though she could of, I am sure of that, she just turned and left him, walking to the station wagon like nothing had happened. She reached the drivers side window and knocked. I jumped, though I watched her walk the whole time. I unlocked the door and scrambled out. I poked her shoulder where the would be gunshot wound was. She didn’t flinch. There was no blood on my finger-thank god, I might have passed out if there was. There was no blood on her shirt, but there was a hole.

“Crap.” Alex said and I jumped again. It was like hearing a ghost. In my mind she was dead but yet, here she stood with me poking her. “I just bought this sweatshirt!” Alex grinned and ruffled my hair.

I still stood there, in shock, trying to organize the advents that had just taken place. “Time to go home?” Alex asked quietly after a few minutes had elapsed.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“You ok?” She asked me.

“You’re dead.”

“Nope.” She replied.

“I heard them shoot you. I saw your lifeless body.” I repeated all of this is a trance, I am pretty sure I was in shock, but didn’t know that at the time. When I finally started to snap out of it, I jumped toward Alex, wrapping my arms around her, holding her tight. “I thought you were dead and I was going to be next!” I semi screamed at her, the tears again rolling down my cheeks.

“Of course not hon. I would never let anyone hurt you.” She reached up with one of her hands and rumpled my hair again-boy do I hate that, but she is alive and that is all that matters. “Remember, love, blood is thicker than water.”

“You’re really alive?” I asked again, unwrapping my arms from her and wiping at my eyes.

“Of course.” She said.

Another moment passed and I smiled weakly at her, trying to let her know I was ok now. Alex laughed lightly. “I told you to never give up hope.”

Just Listen

Just Listen

Do you ever take a moment to sit and listen to everything around you? The sounds of the street, the animals, the wind? Do you ever take a moment to sit and calm your mind? Quiet your thoughts and look at the world with your… inner self (so to speak)? 

If you do, you will be surprised to what you hear. The chattering birds, the air sound of semi trucks breaking in the distance. But I challenge you. Focus even more on the sounds. Drowned out the close ones. Tune in to the distant ones. Maybe you’ll find something new… something different? Like the sound of a creek gurgling nearby… or even of the squirrels in the trees. Nature has so much to say and no one really takes the chance to listen or tune in outside of the media or electronics.

As hypocritical as I am being (typing away to tell you this), when is the last time you were outside without something electronically to distract you? (Cell phone only counts if you were using it C= ) I like to believe that even animals can talk to us. May it be verbal or physical signs or mental communication I think it is possible, but in order to listen we have to clear our minds which is so hard with today’s technology!

If we just stop and look at all the things we can learn from the land… imagine… I don’t know just something C=

So, have you hugged a tree or talked to a rock today? (I know, this is a super random blog. It is what was on my mind)

Invisible

“I’ve finally got you here and in a dress.”
The love of my life said as I looked into his beautiful eyes. “Well take it all in cause this is the last time…” I said trailing off as some of his ROTC friends joined us at our table.
“Serina,” He said to me, “This is Summer and her date Ryan.”
“Hello” I said with no implication in my voice. Summer’s hair was what her name made you think, the golden color of a wheat field during a summer sunset with deep brown eyes that made you wonder if she was really blonde with a tiny fit body to match the looks. Something about Summer sent flags off in my head even though, from what Ben had told me previously, she sounds like a person I’d be friends with if I had met her for different reasons.

The man leading the conference climb on the platform and gave his speech. I wasn’t listening. I’d zoned off long before. Everyone was clapping so I joined in. “Ben” I said touching his arm lightly, “I need to use the bathroom.”
“Alright sweetheart.” He said as he leaned over and kissed my lips gently. He stood up and offered me his arm, being a perfect gentleman. I took it and followed him as he led me away. “I really hate dresses” I muttered to just Ben. He smiled at me and said “I don’t see why, you look gorgeous.” I rolled my eyes as I entered the bathroom.

I went to the sink and stared into the mirror. Looking at myself. My long red gold hair was spiraling around my neck where prism cut crystals wrapped around my throat. My lime green strapless dress clung to my waist, making me appear far slimmer than I really am, trailing over my hips and down to a small train.  I sighed and walked back out. I seen Ben standing a few steps off so I walked into his arms and hugged him like he was the last person alive on earth, needing his comfort.

We walk back to our table and take our seats. I ate my dinner in silence. Listening to the conversation. Noting my surroundings. The way Summer looks at Ben and how Ryan does everything to keep her attention. How Ben’s eyes sparkle at me when I smile at him. He leans forward and kisses me. In front of everyone. I blush and look down making him smile in return.

The conference leader goes back up to talk. Something about having some of the youth board members dance or something. Ben smiles at me as I take his hand and he guides me around the dance floor. My heel clad feet following him and praying that I don’t happen to have a clutsy moment. Our eyes meet and we smile. We don’t need to talk to show our love. You can see it. The song ends and we take a seat. Ryan and Summer are still walking back. Ben leans over and says “I love you so much babe” and kisses me so deeply I am breathless and blushing.

A new song starts playing. Summer gets back to the table and smiles.
“Ben” she says in a far too husky voice as she lets her golden hair fall across her shoulders. “How about you and I have a dance? Since we are members and all…” she trails off and looks at me like I’m an outsider for not being military. Ben looks at me and smiles while saying yes. Not giving her much attention. He picks up my hand, kisses it quickly and says, “I shall return my love.” And with one last smile at me takes Summer’s hand and leads her onto the dance floor.

I watch them dancing. I watch Summer’s light pink dress shimmer next to Ben, the lime green accents matched with black tux harsh against the soft pink. I see her hold her frame perfect, keeping her shoulders back and pressing her lower body closer to Ben, giving him the perfect opportunity to see down her sweetheart neckline. How Summer keeps trying to press herself close to Ben, how Ben artfully steps away, just out of reach. “I know how she feels.” Ryan says catching my attention as he slides closer to me. “To look at someone like they are your whole world but knowing their eyes are on someone else… and… no matter what you do… no matter how hard you try you just can’t capture their attention.” My eyes meet Ryan’s. “Being invisible” he says.

I have no response. I am on the receiving end of the smile Ryan talks about, even longs for so I glance back at Ben and Summer dancing. His eyes are distant as he spins her around the floor, her following with a grace I could only wish to simulate, her perfect shape a nice complement to his toned muscles and defined figure, her flawless dress swirling out behind her. I smile when he meets my eyes, his smile lighting up his face as he spins Summer around, his back to me. I catch a glare from Summer. She knows that smile she longs to have was for me.

Her attention to me is short lived, her perfect face already upturned back to Ben, trying to reel him in with conversation. She presses herself close, leaning to whisper something in his ear. He smiles and leans away like he has not a care in the world. But I do. I never doubt Ben’s love for me but I dislike the attention Summer gives him. It sets off my jealousy. I know better, but he is still mine. I want her to know it.

I stand up and look over at Ryan smiling. “Why should they have all the fun?” Ryan looks into my eyes and takes my out stretched hand. I let him lead me onto the dance floor. A slow song is starting. Ben was starting to pull away when Summer tugs her back. I hear her mutter something about me have a new date and they should just take the next song. I feel Ben’s heated eyes on me. I smile. Ryan smiles back. We start dancing. I let Ryan and the music swirl me around just following were the beat takes me.

“She is not worth it.” I say to Ryan, “Don’t waste your time on someone who may not love you back. You’re better than that; there is someone out there better for you.” Ryan just looks at me with a sad expression. I drop it. I see Summer try to keep Ben’s attention as he glances at me and Ryan. It’s not long before Ben taps on Ryan’s shoulder cutting in. “That’s not very nice.” Ben says, as Ryan makes his way back to Summer, “Making me jealous and all that.” I grin up at him and see the love in his eyes as he gazes at me.

I smile as his warm hands close around mine and I see the pout that is clearly on Summer’s face. “I love you” we both breathe at the same time. My smile turns into a grin as I lean into Ben and he does not move away. I stand on my tip toes to reach his mouth and kiss him with all the feeling of love I can muster. And we dance. We move around the floor like there are no others with us.

The rest of the night flows by with no real events. Summer glances at us the whole night. I know she wishes Ben would give her a chance, that if he could just go out with her for a night and be her man he would forget all about his little fling with me. But that is where she is wrong. We have a love that will last. Summer tries to get Ben’s attention and get a hot little good-bye in as we go to leave but Ben waves and keeps walking before she can catch up. Ben and I lock arms and as we walk out the door Taylor Swift’s song, Invisible starts playing, like the song was meant for her, for that very moment. I know Summer is singing it about Ben tonight. If only she could hear the real song that is playing for Ben and I. I smile, knowing this one has nothing to do with being invisible.  

In The Name of Love

In The Name of Love

In the year 2005 I joined 4-H and started showing horses. I had dreams of wining ribbons with my fast times and taking home trophies from my awesome performances in the pleasure ring. Of course I did not take into account the fact that the horse I chose from my pasture to ride and show was green. She knew her basics-but I wanted her because she could run. She could fly across our pasture faster than any horse we own and I bet she could even put a quarter horse racer to the test (and I’d would have loved the chance to prove it). After all, the fastest time is how a speed show is won and I had high hopes and ideas after watching one of my friends compete at a show. I knew the times to beat, I knew the people I had to out run. Now I just had to prove I could do it.

As the years went on and it became 2006, I realized that my dreams of taking home all these ribbons and trophies was not happening. My horse, (for sake of keeping her privacy I’m changing her name) Enco, fought with me over everything we did-from putting a saddle on, getting caught, cantering, even going through a gate at times to the point where we were the last in and the first out of the ring all the while fighting a rear here and a buck there.  We could do the barrels in 2 minutes and 55 seconds at a buck. I’m not kidding. We would buck the whole way around the pattern. At least it was interesting. At one point I overheard a couple a boys trying to guess at which point I’d fall off of her (to give myself credit she never got me off during those shows).  I knew my times were not going to cut it but if I am anything in life, I am NOT a quitter. I would not give up this idea of winning.

As 2007 started I had a new goal and new realization in life. It was not winning these ribbons and trophies; it was the time I spent with MY horse. But I could not call her my horse. She didn’t want anything to do with me, or people for that matter. So instead of having to chase her down every time I had a clinic I started calling the horses up for no real reason other than to give them a treat. I was going to trick her. If I kept randomly doing this, she would not know when I was going to catch her for clinics or for a grooming or just to give her food- after all, what horses doesn’t love a good treat.  Soon we formed a pattern. She no longer ran from me, but she did not yet always do what I asked. We became a sort of acquaintances on the ground-she tolerated me where as she did not for other people.

Enco was never outright mean to people. She just avoided them at all costs. Somehow during our 2007 year we made a huge improvement in the show ring. Enco and I took home more ribbons than we had the previous two years. Never a real first or amazing time but it was improvement. I stopped looking at ribbons as something I had to have to show off my skill, but as a marker to show how much we have improved. My horse earned those ribbons from hard work that we put in together. I never thought in my time of owning her that I could say we. It was always one of us. She did not like this. I wanted to do that. But now it was we. We were running with good times. Our barrel pattern went from 2:50 to 0:25… can you believe that? 25 seconds!  I knew that next year we would have it down to an art and we would sweep the competition right out of the ring.

I am not really sure where I heard the idea of Equine Massage Therapy but somehow I heard about it and had many 4-H people tell me how good it would be if someone learned it. How useful and maybe even helpful to Enco if she got a massage. I thought the idea over but never really put any commitment into the whole horse massage person. I mean, I am in my senior year in high school-I have WAY bigger things to think about… like college and my career path to becoming a vet. I liked the idea, I was just not willing to put the effort forth to get there.

Soon 2008 rolled around. It would be my last year I was eligible to compete in 4-H level competitions but I was ok with that. I knew this was our year. We had such a good partnership going. She no longer ran from me in an open pasture, I didn’t have to corner her to catch her.  I was ready and so was she. When we started training that year, I was eager with excitement, she was fresh from the winter. We were clocking good times. I was so hopeful. Enco was responding great. We had a partnership going for real now. She still bucked and proved to be my stinker, but when we went in for a run we ran. She no longer misbehaved on our run, and even seemed eager for it. As soon as it was our time we went. We did not even need that little warm up lap anymore because we were ready as a team. In 2008 I also started my new job working at a hospital. It was on the day I had my first day at work that my life changed.

When I pulled into my driveway Enco was laying in the pasture on her side covered in mud.  She was not eating (in the horse world this is not a good thing) or drinking. My mom came out and told me she had limped up to the house, her front right leg swollen 4x’s its normal size. The vet had been there and there was nothing she could have done. We just had to give her some time to heal and wait. We do not know how Enco hurt herself. We believe that she was running and fell in the muddy conditions, due to the excessive rain we have had this season. She had streaks of mud going across her back like she slide. We are not really sure how she made it up to the house.

As soon as I seen her I walked to the pen and laid down next to the fence. I started to cry because my friend was hurt and I could not comfort her and make her feel better. I could feel her pulling away from me. That fragile bond we started to forge broken from her injury. As I approached the fence she got up, no longer trusting in me. I laid there and cried for I don’t know how long. To see such a strong, magnificent animal hurt and laying helplessly like that… it is hard to see. Let alone know. I even got the sense of her being embarrassed over her injury. I walked into the pasture and approached her. She would not look at me and turned her head away.

Our vet came out the next day to check on her and while at our house she  mentioned how a bodywork session could help Enco’s recovery. That was all I needed to spur myself forward and in April of that year I ran into Karen Braun from Anam Cara School of Equine Massage. I knew that was where I was supposed to be. That I needed to meet Karen. This class scheduling came out to be perfect for me- as soon as college let out for the summer, her classes were starting and I enrolled in levels one and two.

As I went through the classes I grew as a person. I slowly built that partnership back with Enco. I not only learned massage, but myofascial release and Reiki. As part of the classes we did daily mediations, some even evolving horses. Because of everything I learned at Anam Cara and the people I met I can now say I am closer to Enco that I have been in my entire life. Karen is how I became associated with Young Living Essential oils and add this to my routine of massage. I still felt my journey was not yet complete and even told Karen this. Both she and Tayanne (a previous student who helps Karen teach) suggested that I go and meet a lady named Lori Wegner and maybe she could help. Somehow I never got around to getting her contact information and as I finished my classes and moved on to my next step of helping Enco it was pushed to the back of my mind.

I performed massage on Enco about 3 months after her injury. Prior to this I could put Cypress, Wintergreen, and Peppermint oils on Enco’s leg daily. On the first day I had seen such an improvement that it was unbelievable. Every step of the way I was communicating with my vet. She was amazed by Enco’s progress because of how badly injured Enco’s leg had been. She even took photographs of her leg to show the Vet School of Madison.

Enco’s never ending battle was still going uphill the whole way. In July of that year (2008 in case you forgot) she was diagnosed with Uveitis on her left eye. Commonly called Moon Blindness. Again our vet was called and we were instructed to put medication in her eye and she was to wear a fly mask. It took about a month to get it under control and she has a large cataract from the damage it caused to her eye, leaving a permanent blind spot, but we can finally say we reached the top of the hill.

Enco’s prognosis never looked good at any point during her injury. I was told her chance of coming back to a fully functioning companion was about 80% and recovery time was roughly two years. I was not giving up now. We had come so far. About the time school started the swelling in Enco’s leg was completely gone and she had been diagnosed with a double bowed tendon. Her foreleg literally had two bumps from two different tendons being bowed. I worked on using myofascial release to help clear some of the scar tissue. A month later Enco and I had our first ride after the ok from our vet. We didn’t go far, just around the house and I let her do what she wanted. Two months after this we were riding normally and going on trail rides.

V

In the year of 2009 I was happy to say Enco is back to herself-100%. If not better because of the connection we have built from her injury. It is like my own personal Flicka story-my horse getting injured and now becoming the friend I had always dreamed of because of the injury. To this day I swear by massage and oils and to look outside the box. So many people are skeptical of what is different. Enco is proof that hope is out there.

Our journey has not yet ended. In February of 2011 I attended a first aid for serious horse owner’s seminar at the veterinary school of medicine. I was sad to find out that the topics and information I received I already knew, but I still had hope and felt like I was in the right place. That I needed to be here. As the day progressed we had a demonstration of preparing your horse, how if you work your horse on scary situations your horse would be better prepared for a real situation and it would be easier on everyone.

This is when I knew I was in the right spot. Lori Wegner was holding the demonstration section of the seminar. I had never expected to hear about Lori and never thought it possible to find her, but here I was, three years later listening to someone that one of my greatest mentors told me I need to meet. Can you say fate?

As I look back at everything I went through to help Enco I think, look at all the things you do in the name of love. She pulled me out of my comfort zone and made me take the next step to being a better person for her and for everyone else. She taught me more about life than I could imagine and cannot even express in words. I know I am on the right path and even after three years I am still finding my way. I cannot wait for the next step in our journey and to see where it takes us. Enco and I have farther to go and I am looking forward to every heartbreak and happy moment that will take us there. My story has not yet ended- it is just beginning. Now the question to ask yourself is, where does your story start?

Love and Hate

Love and Hate

I’m not going to lie; I have this whole really strange love hate relationship with all the random idiots who drive on the road, in Wisconsin, when it’s snowing. You have 8 scenarios.

1. The Bad Ass: you got the person who has a big truck and is like ‘I’m not scared of no snow’ who ends up in the ditch because they got sick of tail gating you , fly past and go off the road. 
2. The Wussy: that moron who SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CERTUMSTANCES be driving in this weather. They can’t seem to make it over 25mph... When there is no snow accumulating on the road. I mean really, is it that hard to drive without snow on the road? Go back to California. 
3. Semi Drivers: they all do their own thing and none of them do the same. I mean one will cut you off, the next is polite, then the next speeds up to go in the ‘fast’ lane only to slow down and bog traffic down… it’s ridiculous. Hence the sign saying slow traffic (and large trucks) keep right. But of course this makes it ten times worse here in Wisconsin snow because of all the kick up they cause. Passing them is almost suicidal because you have like three seconds of momentary blindness from the slush coating your car. 
4. The Weaver: the person who does not know how to drive in snow, but tries way to hard as not to come off as a wussy and goes back and forth across the lane getting sucked from one snow pile to the next fighting an endless battle to stay out of the ditch. 
5. The Kamikaze:  that insane person who decides to drive faster than is safe. But they not only speed, they insist that they should not be slowed down by us other measly humans and feel the need to weave in and out of traffic like a mad man running from the cops. These are the best ones to see in the ditch… they really skid ;) 
6. The Closer: the person who minds their own business, setting a speed and staying at that speed at all costs along with not deterring from the path. As soon as they close on another car, they move to the next lane, pass, then get right back into the right lane, just staying on track and closing the distance to said destination. 
7. The Roll-Over: that person that no matter what, no matter how much snow is out there, as soon as they touch the gas they manage to spin out of control, go off the road, and roll over. Typically seen with vehicle on roof and a fire truck (or ten) nearby. 
8. The Gunner: this one is a real dandy. They don’t understand that snow=slippery=no traction, so they continue with their race car tendencies and gun the engine over every small change in speed resulting in a lack of traction, which leads to sliding, which leads to them in the ditch and the cops measuring the skid marks on the way across the road.

I mean I love seeing the idiots struggle but I hate it when I get stuck by or around them and they influence how fast I am going or where I am going. It’s just snow right? So if you like leave a comment. Maybe even tell me your Wisconsin Winter driving style. Just don’t get in my way ;)

So it begins (The Random Mutterings of an Over Analytical Insomniac)

Don’t you hate when people tell you not to think? It’s something that just happens. You know? And for some of us it happens all the time. I’m seriously… like can’t stop thinking it just happens so much. So much that you become an insomniac and people tell ‘stop thinking so you can sleep’ or ‘you can’t sleep because you think too much’. All I can think is seriously? Have those people ever thought that instead of telling us to stop thinking they should think and maybe shut up? I mean if you think all the time and you like thinking all the time then why stop? Maybe the idea of trying not to think is why you can’t sleep… 

In my years of ‘sleep-less-ness’ I have realized if I think and just keep thinking I will fall asleep from my thoughts. Not because they are boring but because thinking is normal to me and soothing. As I get lost in my thoughts I drift off into sleep. It is hard for me to still get lost in my thoughts but I still give it a shot. And you know what? It is working. Though I sleep less than the average person I get enough sleep so I can at least function semi-normally.

I know I think enough I give myself chronic daily migraines (My sympathy for all of you who suffer with me. It is a real pain in the hindquarters). Medicine does not really work, I try to use it, I hate using it, and I normally stop when I get sick of the crazy side effects. Plus when my head hurts, thinking takes the mind off it. I tend to think so much and over analyze so much that I forget what I want to say or I’ll jump topic so fast that I lose people, so bear with me on my topic jumping. I even over analyze to the point where these ‘simple’ blogs I am muttering about get over thought, re-read about ten times, edited by my own thoughts, and then, after all this craziness and then some, finally posted.